Learning about Self Love from Taya, 8 years old.

  I’ve been talking about my niece, Taya and one extraordinary page from her story, Arizona.

Here’s the page, titled “Me.” Click on it to see it in full view.

The last line has been my mentor and muse for the last couple weeks.

Here’s a fruitful question for the week:

If you embraced this very simplistic unwavering “I love myself” belief, what kind of decisions would you make in the next week?

If you didn’t question how kick-ass you were, who would you be moving through your life?

How to write a last-minute blog post

It's Friday night. You didn't write your Friday blog post yet. And you made a contract with yourself that this was a Blog Day.

How do you do something quick and easy and stick with it?

Start with a photo. I found one in my photo files.

And then pose a question, like:

What makes you feel like the hungry animal in the photo?

Hmmm, now what. Follow up with a second question:

And when you feel like that, what is the perfect way to quiet the call for your choice of "food?"

For me, it’s often a good feeding of the arts. And the other night, I realized how this beast has been roaring inside me for a while. 

Two nights ago went to see a director's cut of dances at PNB. These are usually a sampling of contemporary dances but this program was more classical. It included George Balanchine. Personally, I never have to see a piece by George Balanchine for as long as I live.

So what did I do watching the traditional G.B. dance? Cried a little. Yup, I was moved to tears.

Because I was so hungry my body reacted with tears that represent a state of relief and appreciation. Ahhh, beauty, movement, music, I can breathe again, life’s worth living. Much, much better now.

I was so hungry I was moved by this:

 

When I’m really more into something like this:

 

So that’s what I am often asking for in a state of Feed-Me hunger: art. 

And so goes my last-minute Friday evening blog posting. I (re)learned something, too.

So what can you do when you want to make a post and the day’s almost done and there’s hardly any time—or desire left?

Let’s review:

Find a photo that grabs you.

Post it. Then start writing to it. Without knowing what you’re going to write. I told myself if I just wanted to write “crackers” underneath, that would be fine. But it never is, I always find something else to say.

There’s magic in getting started, like your internal creative muse wakes up and comes running downstairs to play. More!, it says.

See? done. Lesson learned I may get my mom and I some tickets to the symphony.

Feed me!

And now, good night.

Got a Bad Case of Information Overload? How to stay on your path.

Good news! There’s a ton of information and resources at our fingertips in 2009.

Oh no! There’s such an annoying ton of information and resources attacking us in 2009.

I remember feeling this way when the Web first came on the popular scene in the mid-90s.

There was so much information and stuff out there on the Web. Yay! But again, there was so much information and stuff on the Web. Overload Waaah!

So here some of us are again. Maybe out of a job or thinking of doing that business we’ve always thought about since the working world is sucky right now. Which means, trying to learn about social networking and chasing down the scent of new opportunities that suit our talents.

Enter: Twitter, Facebook, blogging, WordPress, LinkedIn, widgets, and so forth.

People who are mastering these content and networking projects and folding them into their consulting/coaching/writing businesses are doing really well, too.

So, to enter this world as a relative outsider and learn about it all and jump in and do a little tweet here, a little profile-updating there, status report here, re-tweeting there. There may be a euphoric jump and getting it, and then—

A friend sends me an email with the subject line: “This should help.” It’s an article that takes some new spin on what social networking, especially Twitter, will do for me. I’m already having a hard enough time keeping my song going in the Twitter tree. But the thing is, I’m staying in the tree, singing my occasional song or duet.

And then something, like the “This should help” email is just one piece of information too much and I want to run under the covers. Or call the Waaambulance.

Information overload. It descends, or hits you from all sides or falls out of the sky like a scattering of rain and hail and shoes and buttons and gold coins falling all around you in a bunch of tangled heaps.

Great. What on earth are you supposed to do with that? Or, maybe it’s:

Now, how do I apply my information and learnings and all this new stuff?

Let’s consider how some people may fare in this new media world:

Some people just won’t go there. They don’t really need to, they’re not curious and they don’t want the floodgates unleashing the roaring messy river.

Others will tip toe in and then hit a What-the-F wall and fall out of the learning and involvement of the new social media Web 2.0 world. Which is what I am tempted to do, and often.

How about a success strategy: Tell yourself you’re in brainstorming and information-gathering mode. It’s the playing phase. And if you are trying to take action and write definitive business and marketing plans before you know exactly what your products, services and perfect customers all are—before you’ve adequately completed your info-gathering, creative brainstorming phase—your mind-body-soul is likely to go into a very uncomfortable state.*

So today’s best question might be: Why do I feel this info overload state of overwhelm that makes me crave dark rooms and thick bed covers?

Possible best answer: I could be pushing myself to the next state of action-taking that I—and my budding biz idea—are not quite ready for. So, consider staying in the discovery playfield while typing up parts of a biz plan here and there or keeping a document called Great Ideas.

So for any of us who are wading into the social media and new biz waters and feel like it’s all TOO MUCH, consider this:

1. It is a lot. All this information and changing our ways of communicating and all the expert opinions. Take a deep breath. Stick with what you’re doing, you’ll learn what you need to know and implement in good time, as it fits your pace and needs.

2. As you continue on with the research and dipping yourself in new knowledge and discoveries—as you move closer to creating something new and wonderful for yourself, your commitment will waver. This is the time when No’s and inner Gollums and nasty voices come in. That’s their job and they yell louder and get nastier the closer you get to the juicy good stuff. (One of my recent ones was “You’ll never make it.” It was mean and chilling and seductive. Shudders. It made me cry! And then I gave it the finger, called it a liar and moved on.)

Trudge past the gremlin voices. Be the strong and creative and curious person who stays on your path. Get your fans and cheerleaders around you.

In time, you can be one of the clever minxes offering services to others who will need to pay you good money for your expertise. You will be offering your talent, gift, amazing knowledge base and working with others in a way that might even fall under Dream Job I Never Dared Make Happen. And working with a dream list of clients because you spent time shrieking through all that information and research and overloading that made it possible for you to find your distinct message and business offering.

If you stay the course while others fall off course and maybe get back on again, while you stayed the course--you will be ahead of the game.

Trust your path, your pace and your curiosities. Indulge them.

And now, let’s end with a quote:

“Trust yourself. Then you will know how to live.” -- Goethe

*This post was inspired by a group coaching call from Pamela Slim at Escape From Cubicle Nation. I recommend her Coaching gym.

I love me

My niece, Taya wrote a very shot memoir in third grade. It was made into a book and I had the pleasure of reading it yesterday.

It's called "Arizona" and tells the story of a family vacation at my parents' house in Scottsdale, AZ.

My favorite line from her story is on the page titled "Me."

She tells us she has brown hair and blue eyes and two best friends and ice skates at level 4.

Then she ends it with this:

"I love me."

Of course it made me laugh and it still does but I found it so hopeful and comforting. I wonder if all of us felt this way about ourselves at some time -- that we really loved ourselves and who we were. Not in a secret private way that we'd never admit out loud, but in a matter-of-fact them's-the-facts, "My name is Tatyana, I have brown hair and I like ice cream, I am a writer and I love me." The end.

Not to get all new-agey about "self love," but really. Don't you hope Taya, and all the other kids we adore, feel this way about themsevles forever? I find myself wondering, What could my niece's life be like if she held on to this "I-love-me" quality for the rest of her years and through teenage-hood and into her 20's, 30's, 40's...?

Since reading "Arizona" by Taya Mishel I've been breaking out into choruses of "I love me" during the day. I do it because it's like a new favorite song by someone I love. And the more I say it, the more it giddy-fies me.

Plus, it's a really ostentatious thing to say--out loud or to yourself.

Most of the time I say this to myself, but today I said it out loud while in the company of my friend Liz.

"I love me," I said out loud in the locker room after swimming. "I love me," I said while we did some work at her office. "I love me," I declared at the beach among the gays and teenagers talking at such a thrill pitch they can't hear an inch from their social circle.

Go ahead, say it. I dare you.

It feels damn delicious. At least you'll get a good giggle out of it, and who doesn't need that?

How to write a bio that isn’t boring and hateful but has YOU YOU YOU written all over it.

So how terribly boring are some people’s professional client-seeking bios?

I’m having a day where I really hate bios, especially writer’s bios that show up in lit journals like the one I edit. (Next issue creative bios only.)

So today I was updating my Web site and felt a stick-up-my-arse at the bio page. Enough with this trying-to-impress bio b.s. Today was the day to try something totally new.

So here it is. I don’t know if it works but I’m trying it on!

And keep in mind, this is a bio written for a particular kind of audience and client base; people who might appreciate this style and work really well with me, and vv. Call it my siren song. And let it be known, I’m  jumping off the very wise principle Havi Brooks writes about at The Fluent Self. She advocates finding your “Right People,” and letting them find you. This means you get to create conversations just for the group you want to hang with and help and work with and get along with, and you and everyone, world included, is happier.

Ok, read on. Right from Web page.

A bio, three ways. (Part 1 only here) 1. A story I grew up as a happy bright active kid in the states and in Rome. I played well with others and spent a lot of time in my bedroom daydreaming and performing "Hair" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" into my mirror. I had a two tone crimson shag carpet. I did every sport I could get my hands on and was secretly shy with foreign parents and one younger brother and a giant orange cat named Tom.

I left home and traveled to Europe alone on a one-way ticket (I got a free ticket home, too). Next came the move to a big beautiful noisy art-filled city where I did big-city things like working at a women's magazine and writing and loving and partying and thinking and talking and laughing and screaming and then ...

Heartbreak. Getting fired. Watching some of my dreams fall away like coat buttons after a rough night. Next, I lost the perky confidence of my youthy-youth and started to mope around thinking, "Hey! I'm just a sham everyone's smarter." Until the wiser and slightly jaded part of me realized we were all faking it, and the people feigning confidence best were winning, and so I figured, "Hell, I'm smart enough too." And then ...

I left the big city and returned to my birth city and as I moved down my path I was stuck, suddenly there was this OUCH OOH, what's prickling me and I was lost in Dante's thick woods but I was just 29-years-old. And I came out of it when I let myself do what I really, really, really wanted to do. Then I went into the woods again at 33 and out again and in there at 40 again and so on, meaning: I have been on my path and off my path. I have had my ass kicked and heart broken and lost people I love. I have found myself, lost myself, deconstructed myself, build myself back up, and spent a few years getting lost riding the Waaaambulance.

Eventually I learned that life is a multi-colored series of transitions and thresholds. Like, a non-stop set of waves. Life is not, as I once thought, about finding your high note and holding it for ever. You are never "squared away" like my mother wishes, nor do you ever "have it all together" and "being on top of your game" is just bullshit. OK, so we hold these amazing moments for five minutes and then WHACK, it starts over. But in a good way, really!

Then I arrived at a place where I looked at my own little story and took responsibility for all of it ALL OF IT and boy. [Tears] I learned something. The imagination has a lot of good creative power that you can hone and flex and it will get you through anything. You have to make friends with it first, and learn to use it, like a powerful magic sword.

So many times I arrived at the chapter that's titled: How the hell did I get myself into these dark prickly woods? But I have also arrived at the chapter with the open sunny meadow and wildflowers, with my eyes blinking and my jaw dropped, wondering: How the hell did I ever get to this beautiful and cool and mysterious god-forsaken place? Wow ... cool... shivers, thank you.

And the moral, or gift of this story, has left me with a big-heart desire to help other people find their way through and out of the woods. I want to help people live a life that is fulfilling and creative and happifying. Filled with imagination.

Keats said it so well: "I am certain of nothing but the Holiness of the Heart's affections and the Truth of the Imagination." I agree. With one addition: Imagination + Action = Freedom. I am a do-er. Amen. The end.

******

So, what kind of bio would you write if you really dug deep and sung your siren song to your Right People?

Part 1 of 3, bio, from: http://www.tatyanamishel.com/bio.htm

Technorati Tags: Bios,coaching,Havi Brooks,Right People,siren song,midlife,getting lost,Dante,Keats

“Is It Just Me?” When Things Don’t Work

It seems that every time something goes wrong with technology or something mechanical I take it personally. 

As though I am the only person whose email doesn’t work, or whose barbecue starter blows out or whose iPod (which I still call my “Walkman”) gets stuck.

And everyone else is having a perfectly easy time figuring out how to integrate their ISP with their Hosing SPQ whatever-the-hell, or that their cell phone gets perfect connection all the time or their vacuum cleaner never fails to pick up every speck of dirt.

At the risk of sounding totally ego-centric paranoid, I’d like to say I’ve discovered it’s just me not just me. 

Recently, I was on a teleconference and I heard buzzing. So I figured it was my phone generating the fuzz and stayed quiet. Finally a brave voice peeped up and said, “Is it just me or does anyone else hear that buzz?” Of course it was every single stinkin’ person on the call.

And then I remember back to when technology entered our lives and we all got computers and ISPs and Web connection and we couldn’t hook up our connection or our email went down or some ISP server went on the fritz and there rang throughout the land a chorus of “Maybe it’s just me but …”

Basically we’re agreeing to think: How could it not be my fault since I don’t understand the inner miracle wirings of these whatchamacallits.

And it wasn’t just us. It was the technology working miracles and breaking down on us. And it’s not any of our responsibility to understand the how’s and why’s any more than it is for us to understand why the telephone or electricity works.

At this point, if technology doesn’t work right (I’m including cars and bbqs and dishwashers here) and I don’t get it, I take the onus off myself for understanding why or how. I’m not a programmer or scientist or auto-maker or bbq assembler. So there.

If I can’t migrate WordPress onto my domain name (for normal people, the instructions are like Greek inside out) it’s time to delegate and find someone who can.

But I still have this vacuum cleaner paranoia. And I was reminded of it after I was reunited with the little devil—after I gave  my cleaning ladies a sabbatical when I became one of the salary-challenged.

The day I vacuumed my place, I realized of all the years I’ve had vacuums, I always have this feeling that my vacuum is not properly picking up all the dirt on the floor or carpet. And it is purposefully letting me down while every one else’s vacuum is doing a perfectly great job.

And once I realized this silly thinking, the vacuum started gobbling up every speck in sight.

Then I put away said vacuum and called my lovely cleaning ladies and they came the next week.

The (happy) ending.

How to Write a Beautiful To Do List: With Meaning This Time!

Most of us keep a To Do list, whether it's on paper, taped to the fridge, beeping from a digital device or swirling around in your head.

The two invisible but implied orders attached to most of the items are probably "Don't forget" and "Very very important, more important than the others."

Some may have an unwritten, "I really should do this, and I probably won't so let's see what happens." Sounds familiar? Sometimes To Do lists show us what really matters. Or simply how we're inspired and motivated. (Hint: some To Do's just need to be delegated).

I used to keep a rolling To Do list that I emailed to myself everyday. OK, that's a lie. I'd update it and email it to myself several times throughout the day. I spent time on my To Do list.

This list always had two parts.

The first part is the really really must-do important daily-life stuff that included bills and oil changes and laundry.

The second part is the like-to-have sorta important to-dos that stayed on my revolving list until I eventually deleted them. (Which is different than the thrill of crossing off, a thrill that seemed to stop some years ago when items rolled onto the list faster than I could cross them off.)

So. I've played with some new To Do lists lately that don't include grocery shopping or deadlines or calling anyone or paying bills or errands (god how I hate errands).

Which brings us to the title of this post.

What would be your ultimte To Do list for today or the coming weeks?

What kind of list would give you something beautiful and meaningful to strive for, one that transcends tasks and deadlines and picking up kids? What would be the most kick-ass fun To Do list you could write?

The first time I tried this I came up with my first visual art project of my adult life, a Heart-Shaped Forget-me-not list.

Here are a couple others, if you're looking for ideas:

May 14 To Do's:

1. Let down the armor.

2. Be at peace with yourself in the world.

3. Lighten the fuck up! Don't take yourself so seriously.

I added "Two Women Running" by Picasso as a visual supporter of my list (no ironic pun intended). This image supports the liberated feeling I'm going for, and it catches how I'd like to feel all the time -- but without the boobs flapping.

 Here's a second To Do I did courtesty of Wordle.

December 15 To Do's:

There's a story in our To Do list. Which one shows who you really are, or what you'd like to be?

So here's my suggestion: Write your own Beautiful, Meaningful, Fun(ny), Transcendent, Errand-free To Do list.

You might find out what really, really, really matters to you.