What If -- you showed Eeyore the door?

The thing with Eeyores is, it could be sunny out and they'd be all, like, "It's probably going to rain tomorrow."

What possibly could go wrong? Everything, and you better be ready.

For some reason, in our popular western culture, so many of us prepare ourselves for the worst. Even in little ways, like:

You think you'll get the job, but you "don't want to jinx it." Stuff like that.

And in today's world climate it's probably happening more.

But the truth is -- this kind of thinking and internal activity doesn't feel good, it doesn't help you prosper as an individual, in relationships, or in your work -- because you're too busy worrying. And worrying is so self-conscious and consuming.

But how do you get out when you're stuck on a negative spin?

For starters, let's turn some of our Eeyorean "What Ifs" on their heads and happy-fy them.

If the idea scares you -- because it happens -- make yourself a deal: try it for a week, a month, as long as you can, and then give yourself the option of returning to old worries. You may find it harder and less interesting to return to old ways--at least with your former vengeance.

So, let's get started.

1. Start with the big fat downer but totally human What If:

• What if on the walk to coffee a bus hits me and ...
• What if my boss is in a bad mood, hates my idea and fires me (or worse, publically humiliates me)?
• What if my teenager runs away to join a sex-and-drug cult and steals all my Rolling Stones records?
• What if [fill in your bad-case scenario here]?

2. Replace your favorite negative What If with kinder, friendlier, more creative and adventurous ones, eg:

• What if I could flap my arms and fly, where would I go?
• What if I go for it, believe in myself and present my ideas to the boss, what if she likes them--what if she works with me to make it better?!
• What if I ask my kid to go for a walk with me and see how many roses we could smell?
• What if I prepare for success and creating wonderful experiences for myself and others -- rather than protect myself by preparing for disappointment and tragic life consequenes?

Which What Ifs give you a lift, a kick to your step, help you sleep better, and motivate you more?

Which ones have a better chance of happening?

Which ones are dramatic boogie men?

Which ones are benevolent spirit-builders?

What if???

Does Commitment Scare the &#$! Out of You?

We want it, we fear it, we crave it, we avoid it.

Commitment!

Commitment gives us the freedom and focus to go for our desires and reach goals and visions. And it's a scary prison to some.

I used to be quivery about commitments, until a friend told me, "Commitment will set you free." Since Freedom is one of my sacred values, I was in on this commitment thing.

Here's a quote that fills out the commitment-as-freedom POV:

"Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision and enables turning our dreams into reality." --James Womack

Here's a playful exercise to grow some commitment angel wings:

Take out a piece of paper you can draw, scribble and write on.

1. Take a deep breath and on the inhale think about what you most want, and think in BIG THEMES (i.e., instead of "lunch" it might be "purposeful work"; instead of Excel spreadsheet mastery, it could be Helping people solve problems). In big themes you find your values.

Now, on your piece of paper--WITHOUT THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT COMES TO YOU:

2. Draw or scribble an image of whatever represents this desire/dream/vision.

3. Write words or a phrase that goes with this drawing. Sit back and look at what your inner creative wise self gave you.

4. What is one commitment--a word, theme, action, mantra--that this vision wants from you? What do you want to give it?

5. Write it down, and carry it with you for a week, read it before bedtime, or whenever you feel like it. See if it has staying power. Keep going until you find the right commitment focus, language or theme for you. Then … marry it!

Making a commitment is another way of saying: I know my core value(s) and I am going to be true to myself and live by my values.

Your commitment could take you on an amazing adventure.

See? That wasn't so scary. Maybe it's because you choose the commitment based on what you really, really, really care about. I've done a few of these but here's my latest---in case you feel stifled by the need to draw well or even have good penmanship.

For some staying power

I suggest the buddy system. Keep your antennae up to find someone else who likes doing this kind of work and goal setting--they're out there! And they're looking for buddies and playmates to keep them on track, to learn from and exchange ideas with, too.

Like anything in life, sharing the experience, even one of the commitment process, makes the journey so much more fun and fascinating.

Why Do We Compartmentalize Work?

Every once in a while I still hear the word "compartmentalize." Not as much as I used to, maybe because it's cool to be "integrated" these days. "Whole systems" are in. But I still work with clients who put their Lifey-Life stuff over there, and their Worky-work stuff over here.

Of course they KNOW one affects the other, but there still seems to be a big barbed compartmentalizing-wired fence between the two.

I have always sucked at compartmentalizing, and I used to feel like a weak victim of my emotional life because when something was going down in my personal life I couldn't keep the mood out of my professional life. Of course, we've all leaned on things like jobs as anchors and levelers when other sh*t is kicking our emotional arses from here to kingdom come.

The point being--back to integration and whole systems--is, when you look at your life as a whole, you may have more luck finding deep satisfaction in playing all the parts with each other, instead of against each other. And feel like you have more choice, more room to move, more possiblities.

I was in a chronic head banging situation for years because I wanted to find that one thing and drive it home for decades to come. Which wasn't me. I do a few different things for work, just as I like to swim various strokes, and do various sports and read various types of books. How about you? Have you ever wrestled with goals that just weren't YOU? (But sounded like nice, easy ones to have?)

Here's a little something mind-sparking on the topic, from David Whyte's The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship:

"In many ways, work must be a marriage; otherwise, why would we put up with so much over the years? We must have made hidden vows somewhere to follow something larger than the difficulties of the everyday."

I love the hidden vows part. It's like busting the mystery of the stuggle -- it's there, god knows why but let's make it glorious and give in to the current of ... OUR PERSONAL wonderful struggle.

So here's the thought, question, adventure of the mind for you:

What if work and life aren't separate things that need to be compartmentalized but INSTEAD are part of an ongoing conversation that shapes our identity through time? What if work is another higher marriage, a commitment to ourselves in how we express ourselves in whatever falls under the umbrella of "life's work"? How do we express our true selves in the daily life tasks of our work and jobs?

PS: I do use the words "career" and "job" and "profession" -- usually when I'm talking to others because I do value connection and communication.

But in my personal world, it's called my Life's Work, -- and that word Work is broad and encompassing and ever-changing. It's what I do day-in, day-out. Some for money, some of it not. It's important to have the right percentage of paying work though, we're not martyrs here!

When Ambitions Shift

The landscape of life shifts. Now what?

I've wondered about Ambition for years. What is the engine of ambition? Why are some of us so much more driven then others? How do you know if it's positively or negatively charged?

And what happens when you lose it?

In my late Thirties I felt like I lost my old hungry professional ambitions.

I was also in grad school, but something else was happening.

My ambitions were changing.

What really mattered to me was more in the spirit of relationships, and the outward exchange of my inner betterment with the outside world. I suppose some might call it personal growth. I was also writing a lot of poetry, and I was ambitious in the area of sonnets. It brought some fun collaborations but in the more Alpha world, where did that leave me?

So I've come to look at Ambition as a guide. It can give me information, as in: Hmm, this seems to be calling at me, what's it asking of me, where could I go with this, does this fit in with my values?

And I also can sense when I'm in one of those liminal spaces of initiation and transformation: My Ambitions are in a bit of a fade-out which unnerves me but also allows me to give up some old ways and habits that don't serve me anymore and evolve into a New, Improved (!!) version of myself (I almost wrote "product").

If any of this rings a bell with you, here's a question to ask yourself:

How can you harness all your delicious curiosity, and explore this passage of time as though you're your own private eye,  and see what you discover?

Write, draw, read, pay attention to images and people who show up and see how they may be wagging their fingers at you to walk in a new direction.

Will it be scarey? Perhaps.

Will it be worth it?

ABSO-FRICKIN-LUTELY.

Evolve, babies, evolve, that's what we're here for. And enjoy the process.

XO

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The Thing About Happiness

Happiness is everywhere.

Is that stressing you out?

In the last ten years there has been a stream of books and cultural awareness on the topic of Happiness, why we have it, why we don't and what makes people generally happy (connections seems to be an important one).

And as Americans, it's our god-given right to be in pursuit of it. And how dare we NOT be happy. Well many of us are becoming more comfy confessing to non-happy states of being.

The point being--whether you scoff at the idea of happiness, feel like you're in constant pursuit of it, "Happiness" is not going away.

And so, I propose this:

Define what Happiness means to you.

One of the best definitions of happiness I've heard goes something like this: "Being at peace with yourself among people in the world."

Maybe the "at peace" was really "content"--either way, that was broad and human enough for me to go Sign Me Up!

Here's a book about one writer's year-long experiment with daily life practices to up her happiness:

The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

I like it because it's filled with practical, real-world anecdotes, and anchors itself in a philosophy that Happiness isn't something you passively wait for to float out of the clouds once you achieve a state of grace. Happiness, Rubin asserts and shows us, comes from intentional daily life efforts.

I have often defined happiness as a gaseous by-product, like a steaming lake on a cold morning, of gratitude. However, I like the idea of creating a more constant definition of happiness for oneself, rather than a fits-and-starts one.

At any rate--some food for happiness thoughts. And remember, we all have a right to our blue times because life, let's face it, can be a bitch at times. Don't fight it. The hero's journey teaches us that that the deep dark times are rich and fruitful--and what goes down also comes up!

And Happiness, however you define it, will be waiting for you when you're good and ready!

XO Tatyana

When Something Really IS Better Than Nothing

run fast

"Well it's better than nothing ..."

And sometimes, that little bit of something is better than nothing. Maybe that hateful slog of a slo-mo run is better than nothing; maybe showing up to your office and just getting through the g-d day is better than nothing. Maybe a fast, careless creative session of writing or drawing is better than nothing. Maybe a quick conversation with your teen is better than nothing.

But is it true? Let's say you're having a low mojo day like I am today. Isn't it easy to say, especially on a Monday, "As long as I show up and just get through this godforsaken day I'm a star!"

Well screw that, I say. I want to go to bed feeling like I at least did something well. And by "well" I mean, I made an effort to do something that makes me feel accomplished at the end of the day, especially something I want to put off, like: this blog post, or concentrating for a good hour with all my attention on a pain-in-the-ass work project, or getting outside for a brisk half hour walk.

I don't know about you but I may have used up about all the half-assed days I want to. (OK, I know there will be more but I'm willing to keep them to a minimum.)

Here's another (sports) example of doing something small with a big effort:

Last month I bailed on my longer sloggier runs for a two-mile run at the track. I would NEVER have done something like this, ordinarily. And I wasn't really in a running mood, either. So I turned on RunTracker on my iPhone so I could get a virtual coach telling me how fast I was going for some inspiration.

I ran those two miles. And I ran them, fast-- faster than I ever thought I could run. It was exhilarating! My body felt alive and proud of itself, my mind felt alert, my spirit was humming. Compared to those 4-6 mile joyless slogs, this was by far a better use of time. My body felt good the next day too. My chiro told me it was because running fast puts your body in a good position, rather than being slow and sloggy, where you have bad form, bad posture and stress the body. Interesting, eh?

And now, when I am having a low-mojo Monday, I ask myself:

Where can I have a two-mile burst of greatness?

So my invitation to you:

How can you do Something that is so much better than Nothing, that it shows you what you're made of?

Have fun!